January 28, 2009

I'm Screwed

I just read an article that says masturbation is linked to prostate cancer. This sucks. The only joy I have in life will lead to my ultimate doom. Might as well go happy, right? The article says that men in their 20s and 30s who masturbate frequently have a higher risk of developing cancer. The University of Nottingham (obviously the Brits had to bring us down) studied 800 men, about half who had prostate cancer. I don't know how they differentiated between the two but the article stated that intercourse increased the chances of cancer as well, but "self-love" had a higher increase in cases. Maybe it's from all the force and pressure put on the member while wailing away at yourself? They should do a separate study on whether lube helps out the cause, closer to a real life simulation? I bet KY could make some serious cash if they could prove that lubing up before popping off decreased your chance of being diagnosed w/ prostate cancer.

Ironically enough, I still have something to live for, the study also said that men who masturbate past their 40s have a decreased chance of prostate cancer. So, tug away today... and keep on tugging until your wife won't give you any, and you'll pretty much break even.

3 comments:

  1. I always heard that the more you play with your dingy the better, because it exercises your prostate. The British are dumb.

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  2. I thought I had heard the same thing. Brits don't know shit.

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  3. thats the dumbest fucking thing ive ever heard.

    some medical research is fucking stupid. they do these dumb fucking epidemiological studies to correlate arbitrary things to bad things to freak people out (ie. i think they have recently linked diet coke to cancer too). there is NO cause-effect relationship between two things... yet, they are able to skew the data to make it "seem" as though there is a correlation. its dumb...

    basically, what i am saying is... keep beating off. in fact, im thinking of getting a nice pull in tonight... big test tomorrow, gotta clear the mind

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