Best Phone Ever?

Top 10 Victoria's Secret Models of All Time

This may cause some debate. I Saw this on PopCrunch via SI.com's HotClicks. They have ranked the top 10 hottest Victoria's Secret Models. I was interested in everyone's opinions. Here it is:

10. Molly Sims


9. Claudia Schiffer


8. Angie Everhart


7. Marissa Miller


6. Bar Refaeli


5. Adrianna Lima


4. Alessandra Ambrosio


3. Gisele Bundchen


2. Laetitia Casta


1. Heidi Klum

I think we should get started on a similar incarnation of our own, with guido heineken replaced by All-American Official Float Trip Beers Busch Light and Busch Gold Tops. Kevin, you could probably find a good place in your house. Maybe as an add on to the bathroom.

FREEZE! Soccer Style

I was waiting for someone in the audience to yell freeze and see this little guy just bust out a sweet move in mid juggle. Unfortunately, no one called him on the freeze.

Zizou-esque Goal

Quel but 3-0 Gourcuff Bordeaux - PSG - - video powered by Metacafe

This goal is sick. This is Yoann Gourcuff for Bordeaux scoring against PSG yesterday. Apparently he's the next Zidane, if you believe what you read. You can kind of hear the French announcers namedropping Zidane in the clip.

And considering we're comparing Mr. Gourcuff to possibly the greatest ever, here's Zidane's top 10 goals according to this tv show.


Zidane's Top Ten Goals Ever - The funniest bloopers are right here

Wicky Wicky Wick

How awesome is this commercial? Not only does it make me want to go out and buy Zelda for my Nintendo Entertainment System it makes me want to rap. Is that why the nerdy kid is hanging out with the cool kid? His awesome rhyming skills? This commercial is rad ass.

Hey Colleen, You've Got a Great Ass

Based on this short clip, I think this is my new favorite movie. It has it all: Hot chick, frisbee tricks, buster and turkey are dropped, uzi, memorable quote, death frisbee, fist pump.

Tim Tebow is God

Not only is he god, I have a sneaking suspicion that he is a functioning retard. Have you ever heard him talk? I f*cking hate him!

*Update* Apparently this site likes to ridicule me. It has realized my hatred for Tim Gaybow and is now putting links in the Ads by Google section just to piss me off. Here is what the Ads by Google had to offer: Faith on the 50 yard line
Tim Tebow stands apart: living his faith on the field & off.

Really? I fucking hate that d-bag. Just because he's religious and plays on a good football team does not make him better than any one else! If he were playing for a d2 school this love fest would not be happening. They make such a big deal about all his mission work but doesn't it seem odd that there are always cameras following him around in places where they don't have running water? "Hi...I'm...Tim...Tebow...I'm...here...in...Malaysia...with...a...
camera...crew...and...some...food...god...is...great...eat...
little...boy...while...we...film...me...feeding...you..."
Because of shit like this, he is viewed as a savior. I'm sure he's a lot better person than I, and this is why: I am secretly hoping that a stripper/rape/drug scandal comes out in the next few months so everyone will stopping licking his taint so hard.

Finally, I don't think Jesus appreciates Unsportsmanlike penalties for gator chomps.

Matchups of the Day

I'm getting ready to head out for CoMo but Joe's post below motivated me to do this real quick. There was no hat drawing, and no arbitrariness about this but here's the first two match ups. I haven't looked into installing a vote button, so you can just comment if you wish.

Matchup #1
Bar Rafaeli vs. Gisele

Bar Rafaeli

































Gisele Bundchen






































Matchup #2
Rachel Glandorf vs. Sam Keller's Girlfriend

Rachel Glandorf (Colt McCoy's Girlfriend)


















Sam Keller's Girlfriend (Who cares what her name is!) - Side note, this is my vote.

How Colt McCoy Seasons His Meat

For anyone who has not see the illustrious and just plan mesmerizing Rachel Glandorf you are in luck. Rachel Glandorf is a track and field star at Baylor, a television reporter for a CBS affiliate in Austin, and the girlfriend of a lucky Texas QB named Colt McCoy. At first, I was a little baffled as to why Colt wasn't nailing every girl on campus at Texas. However, as soon as I got a hold of some photographic evidence, I now see why. Let's just say that Sam Keller and Tim Tebow have nothing on Colt. I don't know about you guys but I would cut off my arm to see that chick naked. The sad thing is that Colt has probably seen the chick on the right naked too. Although she is extremely hot I think that Sam Keller and Tim Tebow have done fine for themselves. Apparently, Sam's gal was a tempe12 model.











Now to the part of the post that makes me realize that I live an insignificant life and will never be as cool as either of these two men. Leo is on his second Victoria Secret model. He gets to tell Tom Brady, the king of the NFL, "Yeah I hit that first." What a baller. Not only was Leo hitting that but this is what he has moved on too.














Finally I didn't know if anyone had seen the pictures from Ronaldo's accident but he just total a car driving to training that cost as much as a house.

Glass Dildos, Love 'em or Hate 'em?

So, the other night I was watching the Oxygen Network. Don't ask why. I think it's because when flipping through the channels to find something worthy on late night tv I came across two buxom bosoms and had to see what was up. Well, it was a sex toy show, basically The Shopping Network for nympho's. It was pretty entertaining but at one point they were describing glass dildos and how pleasurable they are. Now, to me, this seems as pleasurable as cutting a hole in my window and going to town. Seriously, how would shoving a piece of glass inside any orifice create a stimulating experience? Since most everyone that will read this is a dude, imagine a Flesh-Light being renamed the Glass-Light. So unexciting it makes me flaccid. The one they were selling had colors and shit in it, looked like a god damned stained glass window. Next thing you know they are going to put the face of our dear lord in there. I just don't see any females screaming his name while pounding away at a piece of glass. The dildo above is referred to as "Mr. Smooth". Next time I hear a girl rave about how smooth my cock is, I'm going to out and buy that Glass-Light. One final thought, when searching images for glass dildos I came to an entire site full of glass sex toys. Apparently this is a hot market, which I have not fully grasped. When I clicked on "Mr. Smooth" the number one recommended product was Anti-bacterial cleaner. SEXY!

Tournament of Champions?

The below picture of the angelic, alluring, dazzling, lovely, magnificent, resplendent, pulchritudinous, beautiful Kelly Carlson has me thinking of starting a "poll" of all who see this. It brings me back to the infamous and numerous fake tournaments we would create while in school. I was wondering out of the people involved, who would prevail in a sixteen (more if needed) person tournament of champions. The champions in this case would be famous people. Male or female, b/c I know how gay this group of people can be. The only problem I can think of is who would get the "bye" and be the 8 and 9 seed? Rosie O'Donnell? Janet Reno? Whoopi? Or is the 8/9 seed of unparalleled beauty? Beckham? Pitt? Georges St. Pierre? You like how I put all males in that category?

Anyways, this is very stupid and I'm writing this b/c Ms. Carlson is so F-ing HOT!

And now for your viewing pleasure, GSP:

Nip/Tuck

I would just like to take this opportunity to remind all of you that one of the greatest shows in the history of cable television starts up again tonight! You guessed it, Nip/Tuck, starts its new season tonight on FX at both 9 and 10 p.m.

For those of you that watch it, I hope that you are as excited as me. I just hope that Sean survives the brutal stabbing that he took at the end of last season. As much as I hope that Sean survives....I hope that Eden continues her role as one of the hottest actresses of all time.

If you have never seen the show, give it a chance tonight. I promise that it will be well worth your time.

Check out the website if you would like to get a refresher on what happened at the end of last season.

http://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/originals/niptuck/

Heineken Makes a Good Ad

NYE Shenanigans?

Because I blacked out well before midnight, I would like to hear any stories from NYE if anything of interest happened. I know Free had a creeper of a night, and I know he or someone did enough to get us kicked out of our $260 hotel room which was later comped. Love good customer service! Here is my recollection of my NYE:

5:30 - Arrive at the hotel, but immediately go to Chipotle to eat a burrito. Way more onions than I expected are on this burrito. Eat maybe a third of it. Hope that this all you can drink/eat has good food b/c that will have to be my dinner, b/c I'm quite hungry.

6:15 - Get to the room.

6:15.30 - Crack open first Busch Light.

6:18 - Crack open second Busch Light.

6:22 - Third.

6:30 - Talk about the amount of ass we are NOT going to get tonight and what "outfits" we are going to wear. Yes, Joe called his an outfit.

6:30.45 - Fourth Busch Light.

6:40 - Get dressed.

6:45 - Fifth Busch Light.

6:50 - Sixth Busch Light. Out of Busch Light (b/c I'm Jewish and didn't bring a full case, only the half that I hadn't previously drank), didn't want to drink Free's Miller Lite b/c it's piss.

6:51 - Tell everyone in the room we need to go to the bar so I can drink.

7:30 - Finally head to the bar.

7:32 - Walking in the frigid cold to the bar b/c we couldn't wait 15 min. for a shuttle and no booze.

7:38 - Arrive at bar.

7:39 - Skip out on paying $75 fee for all you can drink. I'm awesome!

7:39.02 - Order a Red Bull/Vodka (it's a half and half)

7:41 - Order second Red Bull/Vodka. Find out all you can eat is chicken wings and mini tacos. Decide I will drink my dinner tonight.

7:45 - Can't hear the music I slaved over. "What the FUCK!"

7:50 - 8:30 - Watch people fuck with stereo until it will not work at all! Grab anywhere from 5 to 17 more Red Bull/Vodkas. Owner of bar starts to worry that we ruined his setup.

8:35 - A single speaker is jerry rigged to play the music louder than it was played on by the bar's 7 other speakers. It's a miracle. I can now dance like a retarded gay man.

8:36 - Some order's "Jager Bombs". Straight Jager. Fuck! Night begins to decline.

8:37-10:00 - Countless shots and/or Red Bull/Vodkas are consumed.

10:00 on - ? No fucking remembrance of what transpired ? Seriously, zero. I actually think I forgot the events even before this time, but this is a rough estimate.

5:00am - Wake up cuddling two other males, not a female in sight. My gay retard dancing worked!

5:15am - Bangs on the door. I yell to who's about to answer, "don't answer that, knocks on the door at this time means we're in trouble!"

5:15.10 - My intuitions are correct and it's three cops and a hotel security guard.

5:16 - 5:30 - Drunkenly and tiredly trying to gather all of our belongings. False threats and F-bombs are dropped liked 'ands' and 'thes'. The cops are not impressed and get even more pissed then they were previously, and are no longer patient with anyone in the room. Go to the bathroom and see I have three decent sized cuts/scabs on my face and two awesome knots on my forehead. My left pinkie is completely purple and is swollen. I think to myself, "What in the hell did i do?" Also, I find roughly 6 bottles of Grey Goose strewn about the room. Apparently, the Geese dropped them from the sky like babies, b/c they were not there at the beginning of the night.

5:35 - Someone asks the cops outside of the hotel if they'll give us breathalyzers so we can drive home legally. The cop says they don't have one in the car and that no one will pull us over. These cops are NOT trustworthy and a friend calls his parents to pick us up. We sleep on their floor.

11:00am - I am no longer cuddling dudes. I am cuddling the fuck out of a 6 lb dog.

11:05 - Drive to Burger King, grab a #1 and head to learn of my misfortunes. Find out I got beat up by a girl with a nightstand and that the grey goose bottles were "comped" along with the room! At least we got about $400 out of the night!


This is seriously the only moments I remember of that night. Ten o'clock to five in the morning are no longer present in my memory. At least I didn't have to pay for everything I missed!

And finally, this video is appropriate for more than the reasons listed above: