Let's Go Fu**in' Mental

I figured this was appropriate for the night before the night:

The History of Eating Shit

I was rereading Joe's post b/c in all honesty it was the best Christmas present I received. Solid night of shenanigans. Not as good as the time I tried to fight the 350 pound bouncer at Syberg's, or the time I was perioded on by some whale, but close. If you haven't read this post, you must.

Now, when rereading it I could not stop laughing at the EATing SHIT part. The conversation Kevin, Joe, Pat and I had on the way home from Penthouse was hilarious. Nothing more than the fact we were talking about the phrase "Eating Shit". For this phrase to have come about someone at some point in history had to actually eat shit while falling. How awesome is that picture in your head? From now on I'm going to carry a bag of my dog's shit around and throw it in front of people and push them in it, in hopes they fall face first in his shit.

I don't know why, but thinking about that conversation is making me cry in laughter. I also think a round two is in order for tonight, so I can properly prepare for the madness that will be Wednesday night. I am very excited for this day, and will be in tip top form. Hopefully I will electric shoe buff some girl's vag the way one of Morgan's friends did a few NYE's ago. Legendary.

Christmas Eve's Eve

Due to the absolute smashing that took place on Tuesday night, and I am not talking about a basketball game, I thought I would do my best to write a recap of one of the best nights I had in St. Louis in 2008. Here is how the night started. After leaving work at around 5 p.m. I headed over to Syberg's on Dorsett Rd were Chad and I had decided to meet to watch the Mizzou verse Illinois game. I called Chad and he was going to be a little late, because he was going to wait on Morgan who was finishing "The Best French Dip in the World" with his dad. I text Pat and he told me he would be there around 7. So I decided to go straight there regardless of how early I would be there. I ordered a bucket and sat there alone waiting for people to show and text other people to try and get a nice rounded out group. I was able to recruit Lakers and Melissa, and T-Lang joined. After watching the first half of the Mizzou game things began to get weird. The game was so bad ESPN began just cutting away to other games. You can imagine the level of drinking Chad took it to at this point. Around this time I get a call from Kevin who has been playing drunk Laser tag with his work family at Adrenaline Zone. Kevin shows up about 10 mins later and is on Becks level ready to make the Big G transition without a problem. It's around this point that Sybergs announces that for the next hour there will be one dollar beers. Seeing that we are already about 10 buckets in we decide to take them up on the $1 beers. It is at this point that the night really turned. No one at out table had any idea what was in store for us. To our surprise Karaoke night opens up with a bang. The first guy is good, the second guy knocks it out and the third chick lays it down. Everyone at the table begins to wonder what the fuck is going on. Everyone going up is just hitting home runs. We decide we have to get in on this. Kevin, Chad and I decide to give Wonderwall a go. I think some of you got text at this point. So 10 good karaoke singers, 3 asses, and 5 rounds of dollar beers later we are feeling pretty good. This is when the DJ, who sounds exactly like a strip club DJ, announces round two will start after the break same order as round one. Well not knowing we were supposed two prepare two songs for the night Kevin, Chad and I start the wheels. We decide on the Fray "Over my Head." It's at this point we have moved on to $2 Budweiser products. So we order more drinks and prepare for out spot in about the 8 hole. The crowd at this point has gained some life and people are dancing more and really exploring the space. This girl named Katie decides to come dance in front of the stage which is right were we are sitting. She pulls me up on stage to dance with her so I take this chance to do some really good creepin. After touching her as inappropriately as possible she goes back and gathers some of her friends. She then tells me that the DJ won't let her and her friends sing because they don't have time or room. She asked me what we are sing and I explain we are singing the Fray and she asked if I will change it to Mr. Big. Usually I would have no problem with this change, but Kevin has promised a performance and was even talking tears. Quick side note, at one point Kevin farted and almost knocked a guy out. He had some stuff going on that was just amazing. So Katie, asked if we will call them up to sing with us. I say yes and she says to call for Katie, Tori, Elizabeth, and Megan. I go back and tell Kevin about this and his only response is "I'll fuck Tori, I've always wanted to fuck a Tori." So we get called up and are taking our places and the girls come up. At this point Katie comes and grabs the mic I am on and asked one more time if I will change the song to the Mr. Big and I say no, and Katie fires back with this line, "Do you want to get laid tonight?" I immediately turn to the DJ and let him know that he will be firing up Mr. Big. That goes as well as it could and at the end of the song she looks at me and says lets make out. I agree and I go in for the kiss and it is awful. So we are walking off stage to our table and all the girls are still hanging around, Chad has slithered up to his prey, Elizabeth, and Kevin is trying to find Tori. I am going on about how bad the kiss was when Katie says I wasn't even trying, grabs me and jams her tongue down my throat. She asked, "How was that?" I looked at her and said, "So So." She then walked away and joined some friends back over by her tables and Chad pointed out some dude and her were yelling at each other. We never got to the bottom of what happened. We left the bar shortly after this and Chad and Elizabeth were now hand and hand. While out side something magical and amazing happens. First we start just asking random girls if they want to go to the East side (Larry's) with us. Normally failure would be eminent and we would end up alone, but not this magical Tuesday night. These two chicks want to go with us but we have to bring her little brother. Not a big deal at all. Well while this is going on her little brother is trying to get Katie to come and grabs her wrist. She decides to go Van Dam on this guy and starts punching him. Not like shots to the arm or anything but full on running at him and jacking him in the face.
At this point I got hard and Kevin says, "Yeah she's normal, not a psycho at all." I look and Kevin and I say, "I think I am in love." This girl looked like Lakers attacking a Kong Burger. Never stood a chance. One of the bouncers is outside and tells everyone to get going and that Katie has to leave now for assaulting the kid and at this point I know I missed a true shot at love. The girls we have recruited to go to the clubs tell us to follow them to their house so they can drop off their car and ride with us. The only interesting part of the drive is at the girls house when one of them is walking to Chad's car and JUST EATS SHIT. We go to the clubs and half of us just walk in without paying. "No need here for the silly games." At the strip club we find out that the two random girls like to go there all the time, one has her clit and both nipple pierced, one lives in Australia right now, and they hook up with each other alot. Oh yeah and the chick giving massages for $10 a song is rocking F's, and I am not talking about her 8th grade testing scores. After just the right amount of creepin I convince her to let me touch all over them. It was like holding a basketball that isn't quite inflated all the way. You know it will still bounce but you have to give it a little more ummph to get it to bounce all they way back up. Yeah like that. Kevin has also decided that instead of wasting his time trying out the girls at the different tables he will just send me. So Kevin hands me two dollars and says, "You think that girl right there is any good? Go give it a run." I do my duty as a good friend and give her a test run. I give my report to Kevin and we move on. After a short make out session between Chad and Elizabeth, we decided to hit the road. To end the night on a really good note we decide to go with a little Enrique and just blow it out.

I know that phone calls were made to Sally and Jackie, and from what I have heard they were pretty good. I don't really remember much after leaving the strip club, but I do know I had awesome cramps. That is when you do so many awesome things in one night and you start cramping up cause you are filled with awesome. That was a really long post but it was the best Tuesday night of 2008 for me.

Merry Christmas to All

So It's 12:28 am on Christmas and I'm watching A Christmas Story and making the play list for New Years Eve as requested. I think the ChadPod has come up with something truly special for this. Now, I was going to give you the complete rundown to make sure the list was DELI approved, but I'm pretty sure you guys know I would not steer you wrong. What I will tell you is I just spent a shit ton of money on songs I will probably never listen to again, but whatever. I will also let you know T.I. is prevalent. He got the nod 4 times in less than a four hour set. I have 57 songs accumulating 3.8 hours of music. Now, is this good enough? We can just start this list over again at round midnight or whatever time the list ends. Somebody has to be coherent enough to just restart it. Or, should I strategically place the favorites in spots to be played multiple times. For Example, Live your Life as every fifth song? B/c I would be okay with that. Now to give you a little taste I will give you a break down:

About 14 80ish songs
Roughly 14 club bangers
Around 8 DELI specials
4 T.I.'s
3 Lil Wayne's
2 Fray
2 Fergie
1 Livin on a Prayer

Basically, half the night you'll think you're back at TP's or Martha and the other half you think you'll be grinding all over your significant other to not really be thinking about anything else. Let me know if there is a song that is a MUST HAVE... meaning your NYE will not be complete without it. And please don't give me obvious suggestions like Fray, Jesse, or MJ. If you want a full run down, I will give it b/c I have no life...

One more thing, there was a strong DELI showing at the Strip Clubs on Christmas EVE last night/this morning... We are awesome, or have deep deep issues depending on how you look at it.

The Perfect Stocking Stuffer

Burger chain releases meat-scented cologne

American fast-food chain Burger King has come up with a novel gift idea for the meat-loving man who has everything barbecue-scented cologne.

Just in time for the festive season, the company has released its very own men's body spray, Flame.
Not recommended for vegetarians, Flame is being promoted as "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broilled meat".

While the smell itself might not inspire confidence, the price will. Flame is on sale for just $3.99
Flame was launched this week online. The site proudly proclaims to prospective buyers, "Flame by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold... now you can set the mood for whatever you're in the mood for."

Mizzou is Actually Ranked... In One Poll!

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Jared Just Jizzed in his Pants

I cannot take credit for finding this that would be the work Chad Baldwin. To the right is the Acapella group "Straight No Chaser".



I thought I would brighten every one's Holiday by spreading a little Christmas Cheer and Happy Hanukkah Boyle. If you don't want to listen to the entire video (it's only 3:49) just fast forward to the 2:15 mark.

Robbie Gould Looks Like Curious George

Robbie Gould could not overcome Greg Jennings in the final battle in DELIBowl II. Gould tried his little monkey heart out, but could only come up with two field goals and two PAT's. Jennings, however, proved to be man, not monkey when he hauled in a TD pass which clinched the title for I Love Angels. The GM of the Angels said instead of going to Disney World they were planning an 18 hour loop of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show to be played somewhere in Western Illinois. Now, I don't know what that means exactly, but I'd definitely want to watch Marissa Miller bounce up and down rather than the tea cups. Well, I guess her tea cups will be bouncing, anyway, the Angels hard worked proved insurmountable and they came out champions in the second annual DELI Football League. Congrats to them. Here's a run down of their scores to display who led them there:

Drew Brees (QB) - 289.22 pts
Greg Jennings (WR) - 175.10
Steve Smith (WR) - 166.7
Lance Moore (WR) - 130.7
LaDainain T (RB) - 198
Dominic Rhodes(RB) - 140
Frank Gore (RB) - 178.5
Dallas Clark (TE) - 112.9
Matt Bryant (K) - 130
Indy (Def)- 128

Your 2008 DELI Champions. It's a good thing you had Brees...

Braggin Rights

Although I am not the biggest Mizzou fan in Missouri let alone the world, I do enjoy good basketball and tonight has the potential to be a good game. Does anyone have any interest in going to a bar and enjoying some wings, booze, and creepin. I talked to Chad last night and I know he is interested. I would assume that most people are not working tomorrow. Kevin I know you said you have a half day and you will most likely sleep under your desk for most of the day. Chad any thoughts on going back to Sybergs off Dorsett? The last time we went there was pretty entertaining!!! Plus we know thy have bags......

George Bret Shits Himself

Get to this video quick, cuz it gets taken down for copyright violation. This is pretty old so you may have seen it already. My favorite part is at the end when he asks who is pitching in the game they are warming up for.

This Gives me Chills

Now, we've had numerous discussions on the topic of worst sports injury, or breaking a leg during a game, etc. Well, it happened yesterday in the New Orleans Bowl. This is absolutely hideous and makes me want to puke, but I felt I had to post it. You can kind of see the guy from Troy, and you know he looks down at the leg, and turns around in disgust. Gruesome, or Awesome? You be the judge.

I Love Hores too!

A Sad Day for the Truly Alcoholic

I just read about this on another website and thought I would share this with all of you. In light of the news and to make the Christmas tree a bit more colorful this year, I think that a case of Sparks is in order. This will ensure that we all blackout by 8:45 Saturday morning and we will all have wicked neon yellow pee in the morning.

Milwaukee-based MillerCoors — which is moving to Chicago next summer — agreed to remove caffeine, taurine, guarana and ginseng from Sparks and not produce caffeinated alcohol beverages in the future. The company also will pay $550,000 to cover the cost of the investigation into Sparks.

DELI Fantasy Football Coming to an End

In a tumultuous season, it looks as though Adriana Lima, Marissa Miller, and Allessandra Ambrosia's I Love Angels have clinched the title in the 2nd Annual DELI Fantasy Football League. This may come to a huge surprise to some, but when you look at how the season played out... you will probably feel the same way.

The finals came down to the Angels versus Plax's IQ. Now, we all know that Play's IQ is less than 40, but who would have thought they'd get dismantled in the finals the way that they did? Let's take a look at the two team's run to the title game:

I Love Angels basically got to this point because of one trade. In a monumental move, they acquired uber-receiver Steve Smith and Mr. Everything Frank Gore. This trade, in week three of the fantasy season, really propelled the struggling Angels to the playoffs. They were 0-2 before the trade, and then immediately won the first game with them in the lineup. I would venture to guess that their two cocks could fill the holes of each Angel previously mentioned. They are men. They both battled drugs and injury all season long, but finished with respectable 166 and 178 points. Imagine what they could have done if there wasn't the lure of coke and hookers. The Angels had to acquire Dominic Rhodes later in the season, which proved monumental in the Angels run during the playoffs. For some reason, Gore's nose would not stop bleeding during the title run.

Plax's IQ got to the title game by the waistband on their sweatpants. Being a 7 seed, no one really expected them to be there, but the heart and passion they displayed during their title run will forever be remembered. Despite not having a single receiver who has the coordination to thrust with rhythm, IQ probably made this run because of their two running back acquisitions. In a bout of clairvoyance they received the man with whom they are now named, and ultimately thank for their title run. They not only received the aforementioned IQ of 40, but also Michael Turner. The real deal breaker. All they had to give away was Anquan Boldin and Ricky Williams. What a terrible trade for the other side! We won't get into that, however. The other acquisition was Ronnie Brown. He was definitely an upgrade over their previous back, the oft-injured Laurence Maroney. All they had to give up for Brown was Wes Welker. What a STEAL! What retard would trade Brown for Welker? Dumbass... Anyway, these two backs really helped IQ in their run to the title.

Now the title game is yet to be over. Monday Night games are still to be played. I will give the full recount of the final quarter in DELIBowl II later. As of now it looks like the Angels have it wrapped up, but, if Robbie Gould can single-handedly beat the Green Bay Packers tonight, then IQ may have a glimmer of hope. We'll see how it plays out.

I hope this post jinxes the chances of I Love Angels.

Your Voice is Like a Mixture of Fergie and Jesus

This is a nice little video that will warm your hearts and and make the angels cry. Without further a do I give you Dave Grohl and Will Ferrell

Who's the Most Beautiful DELI Member?

My vote is for Uzi2.

Speaking of Uzi2:

I'd Like a Whopper for Breakfast

Go to about the 6:15 point on this video and you'll understand why I posted it...





Now if this little fucker would have said, "I'll take a number 1 with cheese, make that king sized with a D.P." He would automatically be the mascot for the DELI. He's already got the name, now he just needs to figure out his menu choices.

What is the point of this?

Basically, this is for any of you to post funny stories, pictures, videos, etc. instead of sending out 95 emails a day. I tried to send out emails to everyone to be able to author/post on this. Let me know if someone needs to be added. We threw around the idea of a website awhile back and this is at least a start. Yes, it's just a blog, but you can pretty much put anything on here that would provide the others entertainment; again, w/o sending email after email. We'll see if this works. If you guys are funny enough maybe we'll land a book deal? Dreams...

What Kind of Bosom do you have?

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The way you bag cans gets me bothered and hot...

What is the CLC?

Say something stupid, then we'll let you know.

What is the DELI?

It's a bunch of meat.