Delta Epsilon Lambda Iota The DELI

watched this last night

2009-10-07T03:10:00.000-05:00

MODERN SAMURAI CAN CUT ANYTHING

2009-04-19T17:06:00.000-05:00

No Title Needed - Just Watch and Laugh

2009-04-09T21:23:00.001-05:00

Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable

DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face
Paleontologists Discover Skeleton Of Nature’s First Sexual Predator

At a Loss for any kind of words.

2009-04-08T20:34:00.002-05:00

and on a sexier note:

More funny videos from the "Bodog Fight" channel at Heavy.com

Lets Poke Fun at Bush

2009-04-08T20:12:00.000-05:00

Will Ferrell as Bush w/Jon Stewart from Will Ferrell

Just Dance

2009-04-08T19:36:00.001-05:00

These videos are awesome:

Tricia Helfer is HOT!

2009-04-07T22:59:00.007-05:00

Tricia Helfer is a star on Battlestar Gallactica. I know, usually not my cup of tea but she was on Burn Notice last season and recently appeared on Chuck. I love me some Burn Notice and Chuck ain't half bad either. I was browsing by wwtdd.com and apparently she posed for Playboy a few years back, and well you need to head on over to that site and check out her pics. She might be the perfect women. I'm going to stop with that so I don't sound like a babbling idiot who can't get laid and has to beat off just to get a nut. After seeing her amazing chesticles I now love her more than Megan Fox. Blasphemy? Here are some semi-clothed photos... now go over to wwtdd.com.

I'd definitely poke her face. But I don't think she'd take the offer.

I Poke Her Face

2009-04-07T22:38:00.005-05:00

This shit is hot. Kid Cudi featuring Kanye, Common, and Lady Gaga. I think the question isn't whether this song is sick or not, but it is would you poke Lady Gaga in the face? I don't think I would unless she either a.) promised to deep throat while putting my balls in her mouth with shaft or b.) was making it rain on my wiener and I could keep that chedda.

I Poke Her Face - KiD CuDi feat. Kanye West, Common, Lady Gaga

And I don't know what i think about this song, but the video is pretty cool and a little different then the same old money, tits, ass, cars, bling, tattoos... not that there's anything wrong with that.

And I lied, I love Beej's. Bring on Lady Gaga!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Truman State University

2009-04-07T18:15:00.002-05:00

I need everyone to take a deep breath before you proceed to the links below.* I am not kidding this is one of the weirdest / scariest things I have ever come across in my life. Jared, Cravens, and Josh you probably sat next to these kids, who are we kidding josh you were probably a member and currently running the Kansas alumni branch. Either way this is amazing and I had to stop reading after a while because I could not believe how much time and effort was devoted to this. I bet if you mentioned a game of quidditch to one of these kids they would cum in their pants. Really explore the site.

http://truman.hvzsource.com/index.php

http://www.trumanzombies.com/index.php

* Ben put down the laptop and take a deep breath. Now put the scissors back in your desk drawer. It's going to be ok buddy, they don't understand, just relax.

Building the Arms of the Future

2009-04-07T18:01:00.004-05:00

The Rocket Arm is an isotonic weight training device designed specifically to strengthen the baseball and softball player's throwing arm.

Used & Endorsed by Roger Clemens!

5 Time Cy Young Award Winner

I don't have the slightest idea what this thing is, but I heard the 2009 version comes with needles and a piece of wood to bite down on while you shoot up. This is amazing.

Bayern got SHAT on

2009-04-06T12:06:00.001-05:00

You Guys Played Like Poop!

2009-04-03T12:44:00.001-05:00

If this was my coach I would have busted out laughing. I think that is why they cut the video immediately after the word poop, b/c the entire team was laughing uncontrollably.

It's Fantasy Time!

2009-03-30T23:34:00.004-05:00

So, it's that time of year again. Fantasy baseball has started back up and the real season is only a week away. I check my fantasy team at least 5 times a day, but there is nothing to check being the season has yet to start. This has sparked an idea. What are the perils of fantasy baseball?

There is only one. Your significant other will constantly get pissed b/c instead of spending time with her, or paying attention to her while together, you are checking stats, probable lineups, and injury reports. I actually think this "peril" turns into a positive because you actually spend less time (mentally) with said significant other. I can be sitting watching tv with a girlfriend and she'll be blabbering away and unbeknown to me an hour has gone by with me somewhat paying attention to her ramblings. It's a beautiful thing. This may cause some fights however, but a nice flower or dinner usually does the trick.

Here are other potential perils that are actually positives:

-Less time being productive at work (positive is self explanatory)
-Incessantly debating over who you should start or sit (Once you figure it out and you are successful, few things are more joyful)
-Less time being active (Who like to run anyways? Grab your laptop, a beer, some pizza and your day is set)
-Stay in on weekends to figure out lineups (See above, you'll never have a shitty night out ever again)

There are probably others or better ones but I have to go see who's on waivers.

I'm not in Love w/ a Stripper but I am TJ Oshie

2009-03-30T23:28:00.004-05:00

Here is the Oshie play from the other day where he annihilates Rick Nash. Nash just happens to be Columbus' "star" player. This game was played in St. Louis and the crowd went crazy.

A day later, they played in Columbus and all of the fans booed Oshie every time he touched the puck. Nash tried to go after Oshie as retaliation to what transpired the previous day. Nash got owned AGAIN! Hilarious!

Keep in mind these announcers are from the Blue Jackets' FSN affiliate and that the Blues won both games. Is Blues hockey back????

HARPO"S

2009-03-23T03:20:00.002-05:00

Some Awesome Videos

2009-03-23T00:54:00.002-05:00

This is nothing short of amazing. I love how muh pleasure the announcers get out of Tootoo getting his butt kicked.

This article needs to be read. I am pretty sure this is a joke, but I could see this guy pulling this off. I mean can you imagine how many 16 year old girls would hand over thier souls and the rights to everything they are thinking in order to stay on facebook:

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2009/02/facebook-soul-owners.html

Just in Time for the Tournament!

2009-03-17T21:39:00.004-05:00

Here's some Gus Johnson for you! Unfortunately, I still can't find, "TAQUAIN DEAN! BAESLINE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I would also like to mention that I included this first game b/c a.)it's MU but more importantly, b.) I was in jail during this game and never heard the call or saw the dunk.

And here's two similar ones. One with video the other not.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T13:44:00.000-05:00

This could happen only in Mobile, Alabama.

More Joaquin Phoenix

2009-03-12T18:40:00.000-05:00

32 Songs in 8 Minutes

2009-03-12T18:37:00.000-05:00

Watch 32 Songs in 8 Minutes on CollegeHumor

Stephen Colbert in Space?

2009-03-12T12:35:00.002-05:00

If you don't think The Colbert Report on Comedy Central is funny, you might not have a sense of humor. I'm a big fan of making a farce out of everything, especially the things that people hold most dearly, and this is exactly what Colbert does. Also keep in mind that this is the same man who tried to run for president with Doritos as his sponsor. I guaran-fuckin-tee you that if his name would have appeared on that ballot I would have thrown my patriotism and freedom right out the window and cast a vote for humor, with cool ranch as his running mate. Anyway, NASA has a poll to name some piece of the International Space Station and Colbert has asked Colbet Nation to vote for him. Here's a video.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Space Module Colbert - William Gerstenmaier

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle
NASA Name Contest

And here's where you go to vote.
http://www.nasa.gov/externalflash/name_ISS/index.html

Maybe we could start a DELI campaign to name this piece of space junk. I suggest "Blum."

Jessica Biel as Jessica Rabbit

2009-03-10T19:07:00.004-05:00

Jessica Biel is really, really attractive. Dressing her up as a very, very sexy cartoon doesn't take anything away from her. Especially if you like HUGE asses. Does describing a cartoon as sexy make me weird?

And, only because it was on the site where I got the previous clip. Here's Mark Wahlberg talking to animals. So funny.

And finally, the Wii guys, which was on a few weeks ago. Ironically, I do this everyday. And I'm not talking about playing Wii. Lame joke, I know.

Ninja Bear

2009-03-06T15:10:00.002-06:00

Clearly this bear is far more coordinated than I am. If I was in charge of this zoo, I would showcase this kung fu bear in duels to the death against the best ninjas from around the world. With skills like that it's just a matter of time before he learns to speak like five languages and takes over the world. He would be our first black bear President. First black President my ass.

Megan Fox

2009-03-05T18:48:00.027-06:00

Apparently, Megan Fox may have gotten back together with David Silver (aka Brian Austin Gayeen). My slim hopes of dating her have disappeared yet again. My life is useless. Despite the fact that she is obviously mentally handicapped when it comes to men (which is why I would be perfect) she is about to pitch a shutout (as well as my tent) in our weekly poll. In honor of her hotness, here are random photos:

The above is obviously her head photo shopped on someone's fake boobies and tight abs. I posted this b/c I'm never against fake boobies or photo shopping/airbrushing to make someone look better. Why do you think I always look sexy in pictures?

Here she is spreading her butt cheeks to ease in insertion.

Here's Megan doing her charity work for the Down's Syndrome Society

Here I am hiding my boner.

If you haven't seen this photos yet, go to Egotastic.com. She's wearing pasties but you get the gist of it.

She looks the best in her 'shit' clothes.

God, she dates some douchies.

Paul Rudd is Hotter than Keira Knightly

2009-03-05T15:22:00.000-06:00

Public Enemies

2009-03-04T20:44:00.002-06:00

A new movie with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale is coming out this summer and it looks flippin' awesome. My anticipation will only mount until the release date, and if this movie is bad I will have to angrily finger blast the chick I bring to this. Just like a tommy gun, hoping to produce BLUM. For her sake, I hope this is as awesome as it looks.

Important 911 Call

2009-03-04T00:34:00.003-06:00

There are a lot of things that can be said about this story. That's all I'm saying. Oh, and I tried to find a picture of a 10-piece but couldn't in 60 seconds so I gave up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Woman has 911 meltdown over McNuggets
Fla. police say she called emergency number 3 times after store runs out

updated 8:19 p.m. CT, Tues., March. 3, 2009
FORT PIERCE, Fla. - Authorities say a Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald's employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.

A police report says 27-year-old Fort Pierce resident Latreasa L. Goodman told authorities she paid for a 10-piece last week but was later informed the restaurant had run out.

She says she was refused a refund and told all sales were final. A cashier told police she offered Goodman a larger portion of different food for the same price, but Goodman became irate.

"This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one," Goodman told police, according to The Stuart News. "This is an emergency."

Police say Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge. A current phone listing for Goodman couldn't be found.

A McDonald's spokesman says Goodman should have been given a refund, and she's being sent a gift card for a free meal."

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29498350/from/ET/?gt1=43001
------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok I will say one thing. If I was in the mood for McNuggets, there is absolutely no way a McDouble would satisfy that craving.

2 More Videos for the Day

2009-03-03T15:02:00.003-06:00

While trying to scour the ends of the internet, I came across two more videos that I found worthy of posting. First, this amateur boxing match turns into an audition for the ref and MMA. He literally throat slams this guy to the mat.

Next, we have Justin Timberlake on Late Night with Jimm Fallon. I don't think I will ever watch this show b/c I'm not a fan of Fallon, but I do love The Roots and Justin Timberlake is the most musically/dancically/hiphopically inclined white man on the planet. He's pretty funny too.

More White Rappers

2009-03-03T14:21:00.002-06:00

Great song, but this Asher Roth guy is a pretty sorry excuse for a rapper. I think I'd even put drunk ass Josh up against him in a battle; I might not put money on Josh, but he probably has more street cred. If you're looking for a legit white rapper, check out this video of Mickey Avalon. Seriously, wikipedia this dude. Supposedly when he lived on the west coast he was a prostitute to fuel his heroin habit. That, my meaty friends, is fucking street cred. He even has ties to Missouri because apparently when he wasn't performing sex acts for cash or mainlining Afghani heroin he went to Webster University for a while.

Oh yeah, DEFINITELY NSFW.

Here's another video for that same song that's pretty funny but you have to go to youtube for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tjq3FdNDHM

And finally, his classic song "My Dick."

I Love College

2009-03-03T11:02:00.002-06:00

This video makes me want to be back in college and drink so much I piss myself. Why did I ever graduate? Had we gone to college in LA I think we'd be famous by now. Either for the sexual assaults committed or sh#? like this.

Para Fight

2009-03-02T14:12:00.002-06:00

Just because you can't walk, it doesn't mean you can't fight... on a sled.

This is Funny

2009-03-02T11:46:00.005-06:00

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead.
I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th.
David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding.
We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

Greg Paulus Kisses Boys

2009-03-02T11:25:00.001-06:00

Did you know Walt Whitman was a Molester?

2009-02-27T14:03:00.002-06:00

Click on the image for it to enlarge.

Matchup of the Week

2009-02-27T13:17:00.011-06:00

We'll try and do this again. In honor of Megan Fox's break up with David Silver I bring you the matchup of the week. The appropriately named Ms. Fox will be matched up against her Transformers co-hottie Rachael Taylor. The old blonde vs brunette question. As always voting can be done on the right. So here we go...

Rachael Taylor

Megan Foxy Tits (These photos aren't even fair!)

And one more photo with them together, b/c you can never get enough:

Garnett and Becks Play Hoops

2009-02-27T13:15:00.001-06:00

Hard Ticket to Hawaii

2009-02-25T10:45:00.002-06:00

I posted a video of this movie a while back. The video with the death Frisbee, if you remember. Here is another good one. "He must be smoking some heavy doobies, whoo."

null - Watch more free videos

Also, Megan Fox broke up with Brian Austin Green. The world is right once again. Global Warming will reverse, the economy will go back up, and I'll be married to her in no time.

Kid gets booted in the face

2009-02-22T22:05:00.003-06:00

all i have to say about this clip is this short story:

-Me (pissing myself after watching it once): Addie come watch this video on youtube... its funnier than shit.
-[Addie sits next to me, we watch clip again... I start crying/laughing]
-Addie (NOT laughing): that is not funny, why would you laugh at that!!!
-[Me still laughing... now posting it on DELI blog]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQKM_zWnmH4

that is unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm On a Boat

2009-02-19T22:33:00.000-06:00

Is Murder Really Worse than Steroids?

2009-02-18T15:30:00.002-06:00

Is it just me or does Johnny Damon sound like a 12 year old child in this clip?

I'm Joining the Boy Scouts

2009-02-18T14:22:00.004-06:00

And one final phenomenal piece, care of The Onion. I could really see two kids attempting to do this.

Sony's Newest Release!

2009-02-18T14:18:00.002-06:00

I have posed this question before, but what is The Onion's budget? Their skits are phenomenal! Again, not work appropriate.

Ocular Penetration Restriction Act of 2007

2009-02-18T14:09:00.002-06:00

Preface: Probably not work appropriate.

First, how do people come up with this Shi*? Secondly, How did this guy stay composed during this line, "If we do not open our eyes to reality soon, they'll get f-ed right out of our heads." That is one of the funniest lines I have ever heard.

I Can do This

2009-02-17T10:02:00.001-06:00

Lance Armstrong is FIRED UP!

2009-02-16T15:09:00.002-06:00

Lance is bad ass.

Joaquin Phoenix has gone off the deep end

2009-02-13T16:26:00.000-06:00

Inglorious Basterds Trailer

2009-02-12T11:50:00.001-06:00

Here's a trailer from Quentin Tarantino's movie coming out this summer. I think it looks pretty F-ing good.

UFC Fight Remixed with Punchout

2009-02-12T11:40:00.000-06:00

I love the star punch where GSP get's "charged" up.

I'm a Cool Black Guy

2009-02-09T15:53:00.000-06:00

If you read or have ever read the New York Times, you'll find this pretty funny.

That Guy IS a Dick!

2009-02-09T15:49:00.000-06:00

I probably would have just framed the photo.

Bar Set Too High for Skanks?

2009-02-09T15:09:00.000-06:00

In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?

2009-02-09T12:54:00.001-06:00

Fantasy Factory!

2009-02-06T17:05:00.001-06:00

Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory - MTV Shows - Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory - MTV Shows

Are your Danglie Bits Cold?

2009-02-06T11:46:00.004-06:00

They are? Well have I got a product that will warm your willie! Ladies and Gentleman, the willie warmer:

I think I may have to pick up a set. These are awesome. Here's the website where you can look into getting some, http://hearthwench.tripod.com/warmers.html

Deleted "Step Brothers" Scene

2009-02-02T13:58:00.004-06:00

Apparently Fancy Sauce is Mayo and Ketchup. I'm going to have to try this out. (There is an F-bomb thrown in this video, so be wise while at work)

Who Cares About the Game?

2009-02-02T13:46:00.003-06:00

I thought the commercials yesterday were a bit on the soft side, but here are the one's I thought at least deserved a laugh. The Cash4Gold was funny b/c it was so unexpected. Their commercials normally look like they were made in my basement with a VHS camcorder.

Doritos - Crystal Ball

I thought this one was funny only b/c bitches talk to much.

Matchup of the Week

2009-01-30T11:37:00.013-06:00

In light of the Playboy.com survey, today's match up will pit the obvious top two sexiest sportscasters in that lineup. Erin Andrews vs. Molly Sullivan. I would say Playboy should just have matched these two up. As always, voting can be done on the right.

Molly Sullivan

Erin Andrews

Obviously, Ms. Sullivan's pics are more professional and she seems to be cosmetically enhanced (not that there's anything wrong w/ that). So try to envision Erin in a studio in all her silicon-free glory.

Molly Sullivan is or was on an E! show called Paradise City. Had never heard of it till I searched her name. Here's a clip from The Soup where they make fun of her and the show.

And to be fair to Erin. Here's a video of her... and Bruce Pearl trying to &%*! her.

Super Bowl

2009-01-29T23:59:00.001-06:00

http://www.jockandballs.com/2009/01/super-bowl-xliii-drinking-game.html

hmmmm... can we all meet in columbia for the super bowl and play this game??? i swear, i will take off school til thursday because this game sounds UNREAL!!!!

Bud Bowl 2009 Secret Spot

2009-01-29T14:23:00.002-06:00

Want to see the 2009 Bud Bowl Secret Spot? Budweiser is currently running a campaign with a secret commercial on a special website. In order to see it, you needed to do the following :

Want to be one of the first to see the 2009 Bud Bowl Secret Spot? Register your mobile number below. Then, sometime during the week of January 19th, you will receive a unique code via SMS text that will unlock the spot!

However through the magic of Youtube, you need not register with them to see it, because we have it here:

That was pretty good, but not sure if it is worth giving Budweiser and Sharp your mobile number. Here is the “Secret Spot” from last year :

Here are some good ones from years past. The swear jar might be the best one ever.

Beckham Scores his Second for Milan

2009-01-28T23:34:00.003-06:00

How do you score from this angle? Just won a Beckham long sleeved Milan jersey off ebay for $15... let's hope it's not uber-fake. Maybe I'll be able to hit the piss out of the ball and my package will grow by three inches and I'll have ladies all over me every time I wear it. Doubtful.

I Want to Taste Your Sugar Lumps

2009-01-28T14:31:00.001-06:00

I'm Screwed

2009-01-28T11:39:00.003-06:00

I just read an article that says masturbation is linked to prostate cancer. This sucks. The only joy I have in life will lead to my ultimate doom. Might as well go happy, right? The article says that men in their 20s and 30s who masturbate frequently have a higher risk of developing cancer. The University of Nottingham (obviously the Brits had to bring us down) studied 800 men, about half who had prostate cancer. I don't know how they differentiated between the two but the article stated that intercourse increased the chances of cancer as well, but "self-love" had a higher increase in cases. Maybe it's from all the force and pressure put on the member while wailing away at yourself? They should do a separate study on whether lube helps out the cause, closer to a real life simulation? I bet KY could make some serious cash if they could prove that lubing up before popping off decreased your chance of being diagnosed w/ prostate cancer.

Ironically enough, I still have something to live for, the study also said that men who masturbate past their 40s have a decreased chance of prostate cancer. So, tug away today... and keep on tugging until your wife won't give you any, and you'll pretty much break even.

Kansas is the Gayest School Ever

2009-01-28T10:39:00.001-06:00

Rob is Coming Back to MTV!

2009-01-27T17:08:00.011-06:00

As many of you know, I think Rob Dyrdek might be the coolest guy in the world. Everything I have ever seen him do is hysterical, and he is a lyricist. Everything he says just sounds cool. "I'm so icy, I'm flossy." I don't even know what that means but it's HOT! Apparently a few months ago he told a buddy of his that he'd sell his "Murdered Out" Tahoe for $26,000 in one dollar bills. He was joking, but they took it seriously. Here is the video of the cash delivery. Also, he said on his website that he will no longer murder out vehicles. From now he is "Stormtroop'n" them. How F-ing awesome is that?

To continue my love fest, this next video is a video shoot his company, DC shoes did. He says on his site that all these shots were actually made and that a skate shoe company cannot afford CGI effects. Now, I don't know if I believe that, since he just throws around 26 grand, makes it rain w/ 5 grand, buys 20 thousand dollar helicopters, buys mini horses, murals everything, etc, etc, etc. He wrote that it took him 2 hours to make the front slide board shot he makes in this video. If it's real, this is pretty cool. This video is apparently a few years old, but I had never seen it (or at least didn't remember seeing it).

And here is where you can get his "Gun Show" shirt/hoody. http://www.roguestatus.com/ (I can't get the hyperlinks to work b/c I'm a retard, so just copy and paste)

And as luck would have it, after writing the previous post I did some research and Rob is coming back to MTV! He has a new show airing on Sunday's at 9et starting February 8th. Here's the description:

ROB DYRDEK'S FANTASY FACTORY- 9:00PM ET/PT

After the success of "Rob & Big," ingenious skateboarder
Rob Dyrdek is ready to become the Willy Wonka of Skateboarding in "
Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory." The Fantasy Factory is a 25,000 square foot industrial-complex-turned-funhouse designed to expand the reaches of Rob's skateboard empire, known as Dyrdek Enterprises. The heart of the Fantasy Factory is Rob's office that sits atop the world's first indoor concrete skate plaza — a place where anything Rob imagines can become reality. Rob continues to chase down his dreams in his own outlandish way, whether strapping on bouncy stilts to take on Lakers' Lamar Odom in a game of one-on-one basketball(a potential investor for Rob's co-owned restaurant), or enlisting longtime friend and skateboarding superstar Danny Way to help break the world's land-speed record on a skateboard. Rob's cousin Drama returns as Rob's nave, beat-upon whipping boy and personal assistant. As Rob fills his new digs with zip-lines, foam pits, skate ramps, and a "T Rex" (a cross between the Batmobile and a Stormtrooper), Rob will also look to fellow action sports friends, including Travis Pastrana, Paul Rodriguez, Steve Berra, Ken Block and Danny Way, to help him on his journey to make as many fantasies as he can come true.

Here's the aforementioned T Rex

And here's his new Stormtroop'd "whip"

And to top it all off... based on this clip it looks as though he got a new puppy.

Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory - MTV Shows

Another Buzzer Beater

2009-01-27T10:48:00.000-06:00

Duke is No. 1

2009-01-26T16:13:00.003-06:00

This is for all you Dukies out there. Regardless if you're a fan or not, I thought this was pretty funny. I didn't know Goats just fell over like this. The more you know...

Sexiest Sportscaster?

2009-01-26T16:03:00.008-06:00

Playboy.com has released it's finalist for Sexiest Sportscaster. You can vote here if you wish. www.playboy.com/arts-entertainment/features/sexiest-sportscaster-2009

The finalists:

Bonnie Bernstein

Charissa Thompson

Erin Andrews

Lauren Shehadi

Molly Sullivan

John Madden

Carlton Teaches you to Break and Pop

2009-01-26T15:57:00.002-06:00

If this weren't from 25 years ago, I'd have this playing in my VHS and record player right now. This is radical.

Lonely Island Coming out with Album

2009-01-26T15:50:00.002-06:00

Apparently Andy Samberg's Lonely Island is "dropping" an album on February 10th. It's called INCREDIBAD, and will probably have some funny Shit.

Fat Guy Crying b/c Giants are NOT in Super Bowl

2009-01-26T15:46:00.003-06:00

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Is this serious? This fat bastard can't live w/o the Giants being in the Super Bowl. I love how girls are egging him on and then the guy at the end.

And this kid had a rebuttal to all the internet hype:

Think of something more to say then just fat jokes. I realize I’m fat, in that I am the one putting the fattening foods, into my fat mouth…By all means, say what makes you people feel good, but it doesn’t have an impact on me in the slightest. This is making me a celebrity..so by all means continue….I weigh 250 pounds, maybe a few pounds more. I know what I am. I LOVE Big Mac’s and I will continue to devour them as I see fit. I was just simply referencing to the fact that I don’t need to be told that I am fat, because, well, I realize the sentiments and quite frankly, that’s me and that’s fine. I’m a fat fuck and whatever the case may be, but that doesn’t stop me from hanging out with my large group of friends, some of whom were even referred to as “banging”… Holding an overflowing cauldron of love, Rob.

You're a Master of Karate and Friendship

2009-01-23T16:23:00.005-06:00

The death of Nighman and the birth of Dayman from IntgrScienceFilms on Vimeo.

I Thought This Stuff Only Happened in Goonies

2009-01-23T11:13:00.001-06:00

World's Scariest Bridge - Watch more Free Videos

I don't even know if Goonies had a bridge like this, but it should. As the lady describing the Obama's sex life would say, "Are you fist f-ing me?". There isn't a chance in hell I would cross this bridge. But that's also b/c I have a gash in between my legs.

Matchup of the Day/Week

2009-01-23T10:41:00.010-06:00

It's Friday, and that means there should be hot ladies on this page in order to be at full creep mode come 6 pm. Today I'm going to pit popular tv hotties. Emmanuelle Chriqui of Entourage fame vs. Olivia Wilde from House, M.D. Voting can be done on the right.

Emmanuelle Chriqui

Olivia Wilde

And by the way, Alessandra v. Adriana finished in a dead heat.

Top Cardinals Prospects

2009-01-23T10:27:00.004-06:00

Doesn't Ballpark Village look awesome?

Figured some of you out there may be interested in this. Keith Law from ESPN ranked the top 100 prospects in all of baseball and I figured I'd give the Cardinals on the list. Last year he had Longoria as the #1, and we know how that ended up. Sorry if the formatting on this is messed up, but you get the basic idea. You can check it on ESPN for the full list, but you need insider.

RANK PLAYER POS. ORGANIZATION '08 RANK #AGE
12 Colby Rasmus CF St. Louis Cardinals
TOP '08 LEVEL: AAA (Memphis) 5 22
Don't hurt yourselves jumping off the Colby Rasmus bandwagon, OK? Rasmus played his entire injury-plagued 2008 season in Triple-A at age 21, and by the time he made a few adjustments and started hitting, he hit the disabled list twice and played just five more games before the season ended. (After an 0-for-22 stretch in mid-May, Rasmus hit .336/.444/.517 over 171 plate appearances until he hurt his groin on July 1.) The scouting report on Rasmus hasn't changed: He still has quick hands and gets the bat to the ball quickly, projects to have plus power, is an above-average runner, plays a solid center field, has the arm to play right, and shows a generally advanced feel for the game given his age. He also has a history of good plate discipline and solid contact rates. So, please, before you send him off in endless trade proposals, remind me again what's not to like here?

RANK PLAYER POS. ORGANIZATION '08 RANK #AGE
19 Brett Wallace 3B St. Louis Cardinals
TOP '08 LEVEL: AA (Springfield) IE 22
Wallace was the best pure hitter in this year's draft, but fell to the Cardinals due to questions about his ultimate position. He's playing third base right now, and the Cardinals intend to keep him there until he plays himself off it; he has plenty of arm and is fine on balls in front of him, but lacks lateral range … severely. Still, his bat is so special that if he can improve to just a win below average at third, he'll be a star. He makes hitting look easy -- he hits lefties (.387/.479/.484 in 62 at bats last year) and righties, all pitches, all areas of the zone, whatever's thrown at him -- and has pull power to right and doubles power the other way. Sure, his body type is unusual for a pro baseball player -- he has enormous thighs, but it's muscle, not fat, and emphasizing that only detracts attention from what really matters: Brett Wallace will hit.

RANK PLAYER POS. ORGANIZATION '08 RANK #AGE
50 Daryl Jones OF St. Louis Cardinals
TOP '08 LEVEL: AA (Springfield) UR 21
Jones is an incredible athlete who has developed rather quickly into a very good, if not outstanding, prospect.

He was -- to be kind -- atrocious in 2007, hitting just .217/.304/.296 in the Midwest League, then had offseason LASIK surgery and started to see the ball better, making more contact and showing better pitch recognition. He even carried his success forward to Double-A after a late-season promotion. Jones' only below-average tool is his arm; he's a plus runner, covers a lot of ground in center, has a good swing and shows line-drive power now with the promise of more to come.

He still has some mechanical kinks to work out in his swing -- in particular, he tends to glide and often leaves his hands far enough back that he starts to bar his front arm. His youth, his athleticism and his relative lack of baseball experience give him more chance to improve than most Double-A prospects have.

RANK PLAYER POS. ORGANIZATION '08 RANK #AGE
80 Chris Perez RHP St. Louis Cardinals
TOP '08 LEVEL: MLB UR 23

Perez has been tabbed as the Cardinals' closer of the future since he was drafted in 2006, but trouble throwing strikes has held him back, and it doesn't look as if he'll ever have plus control (although stranger things have happened with relievers before). Perez works with two pitches, a mid-90s fastball that will touch 96-97 and a hard slider with good depth in the mid-80s that will flatten out a little and become more cutter-like around 87-88. He tends to lead with his elbow, leaving him under his fastball and hurting his ability to repeat his delivery. His command is fringe-average and his control is below-average, and neither is likely to be better than average in the future, but his stuff is good and he is able to pitch to both sides of the plate with his fastball. That ability to miss bats and control the inner half of the plate should allow him to be a capable setup man or second-tier closer in the future.

This is Why Beer is Awesome

2009-01-23T10:23:00.001-06:00

I would bet one million dollars (comparable in my world is $100) that we could get Uzi to do this.

That's Why He's President!

2009-01-22T15:04:00.001-06:00

Really lady? They do what? I wonder if she even realized what she said.

Decent Buzzer Beater

2009-01-22T13:54:00.002-06:00

I could have seen this happening to MU last night. Do you think Mike Anderson will ever learn how to milk the clock and keep the ball in bounds?

BREAKING NEWS - Aliens Running Wild in NBA

2009-01-22T13:31:00.008-06:00

The NBA is apparently full of Aliens! We have already had confirmation that Shelden Williams is from another world, as described below. And now, Sam Cassell, and Charlie Villanueva have been confirmed by NASA and the Apollo program as real living aliens.

Who else in the NBA might be from another world?

Burn Notice Season 3 Starts Tonight

2009-01-22T12:58:00.010-06:00

Now, I don't know if any of you have watched Burn Notice on USA, but it's a pretty good show. Season 3 starts tonight at nine on USA. If you haven't seen the show it's basically about a former spy (Michael Westen) who's been burned (basically he needs to be dead), and he's trying to figure out who burned him. B/c he's burned he has no bank accounts, credit cards, or home really. He makes money by doing other jobs for people, that can't involve the police. He does these jobs with his ex-girlfriend and ex-IRA operative Fiona, and Sam, Michael's closest friend in Miami (where he was left after being burned). Sam is an old military intelligence contact and he's also watching Michael for the feds, which Michael knows.

I actually haven't seen all of the episodes from season 1, but once you understand the basis of the show it's pretty easy to follow and still enjoyable. And, it doesn't hurt that Fiona is pretty sexy and likes to get dirty. I've been meaning to buy season 1 but I'm fat and lazy, and broke. Three very bad things when you want to get something done. But I have seen Season 2, and I'm pretty much down with what is going on. So don't let it being Season 3 deter you, if you haven't seen it and may want to.

I know what many of you are thinking, but what about ABDC? I agree, ABDC is a very entertaining show, but it provides no plot or entertainment comparable to BN. Also, MTV replays ABDC 87 times within it's first showing, so missing any of the sweet freezes is not going to happen.

Just a recommendation. And, despite being about spies and the things they can do and the things they know, it's much more realistic than Nip/Tuck!

Danger at Your Desk

2009-01-22T12:32:00.003-06:00

J, I know you twirl your pen a lot. You better watch out if you're doing it by a lamp. It probably would have been wise to actually turn off the power to the lamp. Watch and you'll see why.

2Saves1Post.com

2009-01-21T17:09:00.000-06:00

Saw this over at With Leather, and it's pretty fantastic.

Erin Andrews Is Not on AskMen's Top 99

2009-01-21T11:50:00.005-06:00

But you know who is? #66 Holly Weber (I don't even know who she is but you should check her out, if your work allows scantily clad women with huge bombs). #49 Karolina Kurkova. #39 Stacy Keibler. #33 Denise Milani (Again, no clue who this is, but again huge volcanoes). #28 Gisele. #19 Adriana (This is a disgrace). #17 Selita Ebanks. #12 Emmauelle Chriqui. #6 Alessandra. #3 Marissa. #2 Megan Fox. #1? I should probably say go see for yourself, but screw it. It's Eva Mendes. This is a bit of a shocker, but I like the pick. With the newly inaugurated president it's good to have some ethnicity at the top spot. I also think her right tit could poke out an eye. Here's proof:

BREAKING NEWS

2009-01-20T21:13:00.003-06:00

Shelden Williams is in fact an alien. Here he is seen screaming to the Neptonians while throwing down a monster jam.

Bill Self is a Liar and a Cheat

2009-01-20T18:39:00.003-06:00

Bill Self had the audacity to shake hands with a recruit yesterday and is now facing scrutiny from the KU Athletic Department. Here! Here!

Self was watching the game of a highly touted prospect and afterward pushed through crowds, and disabled two security guards in order to get to this prized possession. Many were amazed at his stamina and sheer determination to only shake hands and utter these invaluable words, "I can't talk to you, but you played really well." What a prick! I hope the NCAA throws the book at him, putting KU on a downward spiral, securing their demise in the pits of hell. Hopefully they take ten-chin Mangino with them.

What a disgrace the KU Athletic Department is.

What Smells?

2009-01-20T16:35:00.000-06:00

You know how many times I've considered putting cable in the shitter? Every time I've taken a dump, that's how many times.

OH MY F-ING GOD

2009-01-20T13:14:00.001-06:00

Here is the Secret Service Yukon XL that follows the presidential limo. Here is what it come equiped with. Namely, the Dillon M134D Gatling Gun, a six barreled, electrically driven machine gun chambered in 7.62mm, capable of firing 4,000 rounds per minute. And get this, the bullets are laced with poison.

Keyboards are Useless

2009-01-19T16:40:00.003-06:00

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

I want to know what The Onion's budget is, b/c this is ridiculous.

Dwayne Wade Likes to Fill Dumpsters

2009-01-19T15:20:00.004-06:00

Apparently Dwayne Wade's not too attractive wife, is filing for divorce. She is citing among other things that he gave her an STD. The article said that it was not HIV or life threatening, but that it caused, "grievous physical, emotional and mental injury". They also say that his "paramour or paramours" are also liable. Me, being the down's syndrome baby that I was and am did not know what this meant. I thought Paramore was some Emo band; but with a quick dictionary.com search I came to find out paramour is an illicit lover. This is why, if you are a Superstar in any area, you do NOT marry your high school "sweetheart". There isn't a chance in hell that you wouldn't be sleeping around if you had thousands of hotter women throw themselves at you. Now, if my "Sweetheart" was the previously mentioned Adriana Lima, I probably wouldn't need to be adulterous b/c I could just recreate our trysts with a little imagination and KY.

Dwayne Wade, you probably had this coming. I'm sure his future ex, had or has something clearable, but she is just bringing it up to get millions upon millions of dollars. Women are evil. She had probably been planning this out since high school. I don't know if I can blame her though, I'd take the clap to be financially free for eternity. I do hate her though b/c this bia is actually asking for the names of all his sexual partners in their six year relationship. Apparently, to determine who passed on the little bugger, and sue her too. Wade, has been rumored to be hooking up with Gabrielle Union and Kelly Rowland. I bet they are sitting in the waiting room right now.

To top things off, the 2007 "Father of the Year", by the National Father's Day Committee, is being cited as a poor dad to his children. His wife claims that his one year old baby does not recognize him, and said some other dumb shi* that doesn't make sense.

I don't believe anything this lady is saying. She is crazy. In the list I would put only one name, hers, and then counter sue her for passing an STD to me. That'd be baller!

Joke

2009-01-19T13:40:00.001-06:00

After her fifth child, Mary decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.

"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."

"Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".

"Ahhh, that's really nice!" said Mary.

"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".

"Brilliant!" said Mary. "And the third?".

"That's from John in the burns unit", said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!"

Drinking Game

2009-01-19T12:48:00.000-06:00

several of you have probably seen this article, but i just read it today and its hilarious.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3831916

if he had only seen drunk ball....

Some More "David Blaine"

2009-01-19T01:24:00.004-06:00

You may have already seen these, being that they're about a year old, but I just came across them and found them pretty funny. It helps that the two guys in the street are exceptionally effeminate. I don't know if they, or the Blaine stare are better.

Mike Tyson Documentary

2009-01-16T14:49:00.007-06:00

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2009/01/15/james-tobacks-tyson-documentary-debuts-at-sundance-get-your-first-look-here/

Saw this over on FilmDrunk. I don't know if this video will load properly, if not just copy and paste the link if interested. Apparently there is a documentary of Mike Tyson premiering at Sundance. Is it just me or does Mike Tyson seem dumber? I don't know if it's possible, but I think he took too many shots to the head. I'm sure this film is going to be pretty interesting, but if they are using interviews with Tyson as the majority of it, I don't think I could sit there for an hour and a half without pulling out my hair.

So, I did a bit of research, and no. He's always been that dumb... and scary. I feel your pain Mike.

Matchups of the Day

2009-01-16T12:03:00.010-06:00

I think if you read the below post you would conclude that I would make the match up of the day. It looks as they will come every Friday and these match ups may basically come down to famous guy's exes and current girlfriends. This one is Mariah vs. Selita. I'll even give Mariah the benefit of the doubt and say you have to vote for the "hot" Mariah. Circa 1994. Yes, she's that old.

Mariah Carey

Selita Ebanks

And this next matchup is a little different. Which husband brings down their wife's looks more? Based on sheer hideousness or douchebagedness these two are something else. I have no clue how they got the two hottest women in the world. This pits Marissa Miller and her husband against Adrianna Lima and hers.

Marissa and her Wanna-be Rocker

Adrianna and her Goblin

Just for Joseph, I'm going to add a monster of a matchup. Adriana vs. Alessandra. These two could be finalists but they are meeting in the first round! Wow. I'm going to put the best pics up of both I can find, to appease Joe.

Alessandra

Adriana

And Finally

Nick Cannon is an Idiot

2009-01-16T11:46:00.010-06:00

I don't know what I was reading the other day but I just found out that before marrying the mentally challenged Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon was engaged to Selita Ebanks. Who, you ask? Instead of being crazy and fat she just happens to be a Victoria's Secret and SI Swimsuit model. And heres visual proof:

Who does what this man did? I would assume he had one reason for marrying Carey. He wanted to do the hot girl in all those music videos when he was 12. Unfortunately for Nick, she is now almost 40 and looks like she ate sandbags for breakfast. "Hey Nick, grab the syrup honey, these Sand Bags are a little dry."

Selita was also younger than Nick by 4 years. So instead of dating one of the hottest women in the world who is also younger, and will stay hot for an indeterminate amount of time he married Mariah. I would assume he was lured in by one of her 8 personalities. Damn, that bitch is crazy.

What would you rather have? This drunken whale:

Or this Angelic Beauty?:

Ok, sorry, I'm done with my rant. I was just really pissed when I read that. Nick Cannon, you're an idiot.

Criss Angel Exposed?

2009-01-15T15:45:00.010-06:00

I hate Criss Angel. First of all, he spells his name Criss instead of Chris. Secondly, he is riding on the coat tails of David Blaine. Now, I know alot of people out there hate David Blaine but I think he is awesome. He ripped the head off of a chicken and put it back on for god sakes! Also, he was dating, if not still, Josie Maran. She is nails, and David Blaine can eat nails. This videos apparently shows how Criss Angel does this trick. I can understand how this mirror would do this, but I don't know if I necessarily see what this video is depicting. But I'm dumb.

And now, the master:

I mean seriously? Obviously, there's some sort of trick involved, but there are no mirrors or sheets or any of that gay shit that Criss Angel uses. I need another David Blaine special!

And here's a DELI special. Someone needs to figure this one out. Hopefully it doesn't only work on Miller Lite's, rendering this trick useless.

Seperate Ways Video Reincarnated

2009-01-15T15:39:00.001-06:00

This recreation makes you realize how awful this video was.

Mayne Street

2009-01-14T18:28:00.003-06:00

Kenny Mayne's online show is pretty funny. Check it out if you haven't seen it yet. The episodes are only a few minutes long and can be a good waste of time at work, or if you're just sitting on your ass at home like me. Plus, his producer on the show is totally bangable.

Donovan Scores for Bayern

2009-01-13T22:11:00.003-06:00

Although they are just exhibitions, that makes a goal and an assist in his two games with Bayern. He started and played all 90, with an assist in his first match. He came in at half for Luca Toni against some Saudi Arabian team nobody cares about. His goal comes at about the 5:14 mark of this video.

Leo Lyons Arrested

2009-01-13T21:51:00.004-06:00

As prophecised (is that even a word?)last month Leo Lyons has been arrested. It wasn't for the drug bust, $5 hoes, or rape though, it was for none other than... failure to pay a traffic ticket! Really? Apparently in 2006 Lyons made an illegal U-turn, receiving a ticket. How much does this ticket cost? At most $75? Probably less, however. So, instead of paying this ticket two years ago he got put in jail and is now indefinitely suspended. Fan-freaking-tastic. MU's best player won't be playing for an indeterminate amount of time. Fortunately, for myself, and all other MU fans, Mike Anderson doesn't have the sack to suspend him for more than a game or two.

And now, drunk people falling down.

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Best Phone Ever?

2009-01-13T21:37:00.001-06:00